the only this i'm missing, is me.

i've officially tried everything. running away. running back. running away again. actually running away to banff. massages. work. alcohol. you name it. i've tried it.. and still i can't seem to get myself back to the 100% that i am. i'm supposed to be stronger and smarter than this.

the one thing that i always do.. i didn't. which is.. rebound. not even rebound.. just someone new to occupy my space and time so that i can get over this noise. but no. for some reason.. i can't seem to let myself fall into that routine. so.. i'm still trying. .. and trying.

i miss me. i miss the happy go lucky.. i don't need you to bring me down every once in a while because you seemed to have wandered into my mind again me and the i am the most amazing person i know me. so. i'm going to work on me.. until i can finally breathe again.

so.. really. it's not you that i'm missing. it's me. you just took that part of me that i'm trying to get back.

- j