all i think of is you.

one of the last pictures I took of apple.

i sat for a long time not knowing what to do.. so i drew.

quartlet

- j

boys come and go.

But there will only be one lesbian lover in my life.

Happy birthday L.

:)

-j

i sware i like men.

Aks

check out my friends birthday pics on my page

my bobs look big!

haha

its so exciting

11:12pmMe

ahah funny thing

i did

look at them

andyour boobs

do look big

ahAHhahah

- j

hysterical.

i can sit and laugh and joke.

.. actually. i can sit and laugh and joke with a lot of people. and i never have to worry about what they will think, say or do, because i know that there's such a strong bond of trust between me and these meticulously chosen few.

me and L always joke that we can count our friends with our fingers, because that's the few that we have. in a world where popularity and climbing the ladder of social greatness is what some people emphasize on, i am blessed to even have one trustworthy friend!

I've seen myself be blindsided time and time again from people i thought i trusted and i truly believed cherished my relationship with them. and i'm lucky that i've been able to catch myself through the fall and weed out their drama and ignorance. and trust me, i've tried to be a good friend, but everyone takes things for granted. everyone.

so again, i'm thanking my friends for being able to sit and have a conversation about almost nothing for as long as our eyes stay open.

"it is with you that i can laugh hysterically at everything i see, and everything i don't."

- j

tendencies.

to get pulled unknowingly into situations involving other peoples emotions.

do i try to make things better? or .. do i just leave it as is

situations tend to correlate at the most convenient times, don't they.

i shouldn't be held responsible for people's inability to pick up after themselves.

i'm not mad. i could be disappointed, but i wont.

i'll just keep on going. whatever happens next, will happen.

- j

disappointment.

so.. today. being the awesome person i am.. i thought i would send a message to one of my old friends who i stopped talking to a while back because.. well he's a douche bag. Me and this friend.. let's call him E for enemy. :) so me and E have been friends since we were little youngin's playing outside living across the street from each other. We lost touch a bunch of times.. but as we got older we became friends again.. even dated for a bit. After we broke up which was many years ago, we were sort of still friends..but not really. Every time E had a new gf, he would ditch our friendship in favour of love. Now don't get me wrong, i love LOVE. i would do a lot of things for love.. but when i make mistakes regarding friendships, i always try and make it right and never commit a fault a second time. That being said, the second time around he decided to choose femm over friend, i decided to stop talking to him and give him the cold shoulder. I've been friends with this person for a very long time, and at one point we were super tight... you would think that after all these years E would have been .. the littlest bit enthusiastic that i decided to talk to him again? nope. nope. not at all. well from the reply all i got was a "good. and you?" .. ya. im sorry. if you're really friends with someone.. you go. HEY I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU IN SO LONG. IM SUCH A DOUCHE BAG...instead i pretty much got BUT SINCE I REALLY AM A DOUCHE BAG. I AM NOT GOING TO APPRECIATE YOUR FRIENDSHIP.

i guess i just wanted to see if he changed and to see if i could continue just being nice to him instead of having to hate on him. i don't hate. i'm just disappointed.

another one bites the dust.

*i'm obviously over exaggerating .. but still. lol

- j

chain messages..

so today's chain bbm message comes to you from little j..

"Today is International Disadvantaged People's Day. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend.. Just as I've done. I don't care if you lick windows, screw farm animals, take the short bus, or occasionally shit yourself.. You hang in there sunshine. You're fucking special."

um.. thanks little j. that made me feel.. SUPER good about myself. lol ...

*runs away crying*

- j

mes amis.

i think i've already wrote about this before.. but i can't really remember...

friends. its funny how when you grow older.. you see how they truely are. hmm. i have a lot of different group of friends. actually, it's more like i have a very random assortment of friends that come from different groups. ..

i remember thinking when i was younger that i wanted to grow up with my group of friends..that's so when i was 40 i could say "oh me and so and so here have been best friends since grade 3..." .. but no. life doesn't really work that way.

my close group of friends since grade 7 were very close. we called each other "angels".. unfortunately i was very close with all the girls up until high school... which is when we all grew distant and .. grew into our own person. I'd like to say that I'm still super closer with each and every one of them.. but no. I do still hang out with them.. but a lot of them.. well.. actually.. one or two of them have made me realize that just because you know someone for so long, it's never guarantee that they'll be there for you.

flyleaf - there for you. speaks wonders to me. because in the end.. we are all a little selfish about .. everything.. and as good of a friend you are to your best friend or to anyone at that matter.. you're always thinking about yourself. .. and that's coming from someone.. who really wants to help everyone. :P..

i admit.. i am a very selfish person.. but i think we're all selfish because we just don't want to get hurt. hmm.

so i'm very happy with my random assortment. i went out with one of the group of girls last night.. and i felt .. safe? .. ya. safe. i was happy. compared to the group of girls that i usually party with.. those girls are.. well we have fun.. but there's always a little drama mixed into that cocktail which always leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth.

time to clean my room. thanks to the people that time and time again leave a small impression of happiness in my heart :)

- j

the beginning is the end is the beginning.

*today i woke up and smiled :)

i felt really good for the first time in.. about three weeks. honestly.. deleting C off my bbm was the best thing i could have done for myself.. even THOUGH L, jdub & another one of my friends insisted that i delete him off a bajillion years ago. .. i am happy. :)

so i woke up.. went to work and went to the gym (for the first time in two weeks).. god i hope i'm not sore in the morning. i have to go again tmr. gaining weight is not fun kids. especially when you want the ex to one day go "oh my god. she looks so good.. end life now". :) yep. being spiteful is really my best friend. i sware! oh besides L. lol.

i went to dimsum & the mall with L today. i think we need to have our own show L. lol actually..before we were going to have one called the prairies.. bahaha you know... the HILLS. .. alberta.. the prairies.. YA.. i know. SO original right? hahaha well. i spent money and bought myself a waterbottle from lululemon, a workout bag from lululemon annd underwear, and a shirt. andddddddd i can't remember what else. all i do know is that i was complaining a lot because i was tired .. ya. im getting OLD. :(

so at dimsum, L decided to do psych tests on me.. and what did we figure out?

1) i am not easy to please when it comes to finding husband material

2) my ego is as big as a cardboard box, my "wall" to other people is as transparent as a cardboard box, i am as ambitious as a very tall ladder.. or 6ft? 12 ft? i can't remember.. and my future soulmate is going to stand and stare at me in admiration..

3) my easiness is 8ft tall, it takes 30 people to fully satisfy me & after a night of.. "fun" i would say "i'm sorry, i was hungry" (or.. something else at that matter...)

bwhaha very funny. hahahahhaaha we had a good laugh :) there's a book on psych tests.. i really want to go buy it now.. :D

yay? ya.. me and L have very VERY good conversations.. oh that reminds me.. we were looking at the lemers at wem today..

i've named him lamar the lemer. lol. and since im going to be single now.. i wanted to be the cat lady :D but since my siblings are allergic and cats drive L crazy, i thought about buying myself a lemer.. then L said "i thought you wanted a ferret? why not a striped ferret" lol .. omg that's just like having the lemers tail as a pet.. "oh ya sorry, i wanted a lemer, but only the tail as a pet" bahaha and then i compared that to "oh ya sorry, i wanted a rat, but i only wanted the tail as a pet so i got a worm." HAHAHAHA. ya.. that comment made L almost choke on her bbt...

throughout the day i tried not to think about C, and although i was happy.. i guess its hard not to miss him. i was really tired and didn't feel well.. and i could only think about how i wanted to be comforted by him. oh well. thank god my bed is amazingly comfortable. or else i would never get through life. bahaha

anyways.. i've decided to put a little more tlc into this blog so it'll be more enjoyable for all 4 of you to read.. bwhahaah. i am pooped out of my mind. sleeping early. night!

*ps. my phone takes pretty sweet pictures :D

- j

public service announcement

"Omg I was sooooooo drunk."

Ya most of us have done it. Used alcohol as an excuse for something stupid we did. I know I have... But I usually said "ommmgg I'm so dumb I can't believe I did that...sooo sorry! But oh well! I'm drunk! Let's go party! ..."

That was the good case scenario. Now girls girls girls... You girls who are unable to control yourselves.. Especially around those who we shall call 'untouchables'. Ill be honest, I've kissed an untouchable before... Not a smart move. Luckily..my friends don't hold it against me. However, never have I ever used the phrase 'I'm soo drunk' when I actually wasn't.

I don't know why some people do that. The whole not being man enough to take responsibility for your actions and blaming alcohol. That boggles my mind. Trust me friends, it is not cool and it doesn't lead to good consequences (and it especially does not leave you with a good rep).

Untouchables are ex's, friends siblings/cousins, enemies, friend's gf or bf. Yaa not cool. And if you do, fess it up. Be a good person and take responsibility if you've hurt someone while doing the no no (as should the other party involved). Believe me, playing dumb will haunt you foreeevvverrr!!!!

This announcement has been long overdue. And karma likes to work in mysterious ways.*cue spooky music* So if you've got a confession to make, better now than never!

- j

(totally wrote this a couple of weeks ago.. forgot to post it ..heh.)

my hero, b'net.

J: What? I don't think my bb has gps

B: Yaa every bb has gps

J: Cool!

B: Are you going to follow me on my gps

J: Noo that's creepy!

B: See look! I can see where buddie is

J: Wooooowww that's creepy! I wouldn't want people to know where I am all the time

B: Yaa and then u can put a default location too

J: Whatt?!

B: Yaa that's what you do when u visit your mistress ;)

J: :O!!!!! Omggg! I can't believe you!!!

Loool ohhh b'net. I thought you were an angel lol

- j

back to reality.

3 days till school begins again.

the weekend brought me the getaway I needed. (: thanks J2, you coming back was a nice change in scenery for me.

On the drive back from Banff, J2 and I were talking about how it was now time to leave the little fantasy land behind, and enter back into reality. kinda heartbreaking, I know. I'm gonna miss you when you leave homie. It was pretty amazing to smell the forest air and take a dip in the hot springs (and how we sang our hearts out while we commuted :D). I think it was a good begining to an amazing year. new friends & new memories. (and a new prospect? WHAAT??!! noooo! liess.)

I'm super tired right now so I'll bloggy more later. (: nighty

- j

the weekend!

Last night was the first of what will be an amazing weekend.

J2 ... If you have a bruise on your head ... It wasn't me ... :)

And thanks to L for putting up with my retarded drunkedness ... Muchly appreciated

Lol glad I wasn't as out of it as my fellow blogger though... Lol

- j

L.

sooooo glad L is back.

seriously. without her, i am a wine bottle without any wine to age. i was running out of humour and ideas to talk about.

so um on my check list to talk about.. happily ever afters.

Once i was talking to this boy about happily ever afters. I think i brought up this topic because i was busy watching and rewatching mama mia.
I said, I wish happily ever after would happen more often and he said "it does. you just don't know about all of the happily ever afters that happen around you everyday."

me and L had this long discussion about the wedding she just attended and how the bride and groom are perfect for each other.

a story every girl wants to experience.

so, i'm going to ask L to contribute to this blog. keep an eye out for her contribution :)

tmr the queen of all sap J2 is coming back. maybe he'll have some interesting stories to share with me.

also..monday went down spectacularly. couldn't ask for it to go down any other way. what did i come out of it with? never give up on yourself.

night kids.

- j

some people just stay the same.

there once was a boy.

actually, there still is a boy. but because that boy is a fool, he has passed on in my books.

You'd think that if you were friends with someone for so long, they'd fight for your friendship no matter what. Even if that means defending you no matter what the circumstances are. No one deserves to put their trust in someone in order for it to all be taken away. But then again, some people are not smart enough to realize the good things that are/were in their lives. It's a shame that some people have to break your trust again and again for you to finally realise that they aren't worth it.

Just know. When mishaps like this happen, know that you are worth someones time. you have friends that love you. and you are better than dwelling on that d*bags mistakes.

thank god I've been able to weed most of those people out of my life.

- j

sometimes love comes around..

And sometimes kisses come around too. (:

My best friend L and I have been there for each other since eighth grade. She likes to tell everyone that the only reason we became friends was cause I had to use her lock cause someone stole the lock on my locker.. Twice. (I guess I can't disagree..)

Well L and I have both been in serious relationships since tenth? grade. (Myself in a couple more due to my inability to keep one going for a long time *sigh*) anyways.. Following an approx four year relationship on her part, and a six month (sad isn't it?) relationship on my part, we found ourselves both single for the first time in... Wow a loooooong time.

Two single girls in the city? With a whole summer ahead of us? Oh the enless possibilities. Mua ha ha ha.

Now, we were laying in my bed one night (cause that's what you do when your mattress costs 1600 and feels like clouds) and I came up with the idea that by december we should have a goal of guys to kiss.

Why not slut it out? Well not really.. A kiss is just a kiss... Sleeping with someone on the other hand.. Well that's another story :P
Originally the goal was 3 and 3 (may-dec? Pretty small number to achieve right?)
Then L said "uh no. Realistically I will get 1 and you will get 3"
Then I said "uh no. Realistically, I will give you a goal of 3 and myself of one cause... I can totally keep it in my pants...I hope and cause that one.. Will be THE guy." (Ohh so naïve)

So there we were with our plan 3 for L, and 1 for myself.
It is now august... The score?
well. let's just say L has a ways to go.. and I've maxed out the visa.

Luckily there's still lots of time and screw the score... I will find that one perfect? No... Amazing kiss. Or guy I mean. :D

Three more months L. Three more months.. (; kiss someone at that wedding or don't come home at all! Got it? Good.

*yaaa I know my posts are long.. But I'm bored as f&ck. (:

- j