all i can do is.

sometimes you're given chances. multiple chances. you get the things that you want so badly, but sometimes.. almost every time.. you manage to let it slip out of your fingers. and once again.. you lose hope. enough is enough. i'm sick of doing this to myself over and over; time and time again. i need to know how to fix this, so that i don't go a little bit crazy every time i start to lose a little bit of hope. i need to stop giving up on myself and have a little more faith. that's why i did what i didn't it? to remind myself that i should always have faith in myself? .. work hard. play hard. and i will benefit from the rewards. i need to stop just getting by.. and being a little bit lucky.

i am getting desperate. it's taking over my mind. i need to get out of limbo. i hope.. i am hoping so badly and i can pass this hurdle. and i promise to myself.. that things will change. yes. i say that every time. i know i slip up. i always do. but i'm begging you. please. please.

just please. let me take this and turn it around for myself. i can do this. i can be the best i can be. i just need this one last chance. for me. for everyone around me.

- j