i cant tell you how much it hurts

You can bury, run, ignore, or forget some of the things you encounter in your life... But it will always catch up to you and at any given moment make you remember.

life lessons

I'm not sure how to repost things, but this was taken from another blog, which was taken from a website..

1. Stop taking so much notice of how you feel. How you feel is how you feel. It’ll pass soon. What you’re thinking is what you’re thinking. It’ll go too. Tell yourself that whatever you feel, you feel; whatever you think, you think. Since you can’t stop yourself thinking, or prevent emotions from arising in your mind, it makes no sense to be proud or ashamed of either. You didn’t cause them. Only your actions are directly under your control. They’re the only proper cause of pleasure or shame.

2. Let go of worrying. It often makes things worse. The more you think about something bad, the more likely it is to happen. When you’re hair-trigger primed to notice the first sign of trouble, you’ll surely find something close enough to convince yourself it’s come.

3. Ease up on the internal life commentary. If you want to be happy, stop telling yourself you’re miserable. People are always telling themselves how they feel, what they’re thinking, what others feel about them, what this or that event really means. Most of it is imagination. The rest is equal parts lies and misunderstandings. You have only the most limited understanding of what others feel about you. Usually they’re no better informed on the subject; and they care about it far less than you do. You have no way of knowing what this or that event really means. Whatever you tell yourself will be make-believe.

4. Take no notice of your inner critic. Judging yourself is pointless. Judging others is half-witted. Whatever you achieve, someone else will always do better. However bad you are, others are worse. Since you can tell neither what’s best nor what’s worst, how can you place yourself correctly between them? Judging others is foolish since you cannot know all the facts, cannot create a reliable or objective scale, have no means of knowing whether your criteria match anyone else’s, and cannot have more than a limited and extremely partial view of the other person.

5. Give up on feeling guilty. Guilt changes nothing. It may make you feel you’re accepting responsibility, but it can’t produce anything new in your life. If you feel guilty about something you’ve done, either do something to put it right or accept you screwed up and try not to do so again. Then let it go. If you’re feeling guilty about what someone else did, see a psychiatrist. That’s insane.

6. Stop being concerned what the rest of the world says about you. Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they’re powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them. Besides, most people are far too busy thinking about themselves (and worry what you are are thinking and saying about them) to be concerned about you.

7. Stop keeping score. Numbers are just numbers. They don’t have mystical powers. Because something is expressed as a number, a ratio or any other numerical pattern doesn’t mean it’s true. Plenty of lovingly calculated business indicators are irrelevant, gibberish, nonsensical, or just plain wrong. If you don’t understand it, or it’s telling you something bizarre, ignore it. There’s nothing scientific about relying on false data. Nor anything useful about charting your life by numbers that were silly in the first place.

8. Don’t be concerned that your life and career aren’t working out the way you planned. The closer you stick to any plan, the quicker you’ll go wrong. The world changes constantly. However carefully you analyzed the situation when you made the plan, if it’s more than a few days old, things will already be different. After a month, they’ll be very different. After a year, virtually nothing will be the same as it was when you started. Planning is only useful as a discipline to force people to think carefully about what they know and what they don’t. Once you start, throw the plan away and keep your eyes on reality.

9. Don’t let others use you to avoid being responsible for their own decisions. To hold yourself responsible for someone else’s success and happiness demeans them and proves you’ve lost the plot. It’s their life. They have to live it. You can’t do it for them; nor can you stop them from messing it up if they’re determined to do so.

10. Don’t worry about about your personality. Personality, like ego, is a concept invented by your mind. It doesn’t exist in the real world. Personality is a word for the general impression that you give through your words and actions. If your personality isn’t likeable today, don’t worry. You can always change it, so long as you allow yourself to do so. What fixes someone’s personality in one place is a determined effort on their part—usually through continually telling themselves they’re this or that kind of person and acting on what they say. If you don’t like the way you are, make yourself different. You’re the only person who’s standing in your way.

dear readers, this is getting a bit too intimate

kitty wants you to love her. will you love her?

so for the 3 of you who do read this.. i wonder who you are?

i've just realized that i probably should be writing all this stuff in a diary instead of posting it online for everyone to read. yes i've got problems.. but i supposed sometimes it feels a bit better to write it where someone one day will see it and go. heyooo i feel that way too! or something like that.. anyways.. i kinda think this is my pride and joy.. and i've kinda decide to make it lost amongst the sea of interweb where no one can really access this site unless they've been linked by email orrr have it saved on their window. in to which i hope i'm really close with you and if i'm not then hey welcome to my world. for this millisecond, you and i are best friends.

anyways. thanks for reading my thoughts. maybe i'll be a writer some day.. hehehe

i've got mad problem you see

i think by trying so hard not to be like her, i'm pushing myself backwards. so much of what she says and does i resent. i want my life to be the opposite. i want to be happy, loved. cared for. and i want to provide the same to my children. and im pretty sure somewhere in my lost world i somehow feel neglected so i try to make up for that by finding affection and love from him. sometimes i feel bad. because he's picking up the pieces that they're both throwing away. maybe that's why im so scared to lose him. cause he's willing to take my hand and watch me cry.

fights are fuel for growth

Love.

i am the cause of my own demise

A whirlwind of nonesense I tell you. Nonesense.

im trying, but it's a bit hard

i'm still gonna get mad, cause i'm still insecure, because i'm still searching for reassurance

why the heck not

early morning mind fuck

I Keep on reading these stories, artcles.. Whatever u call them "written projections" of what love is, what its supposed to feel like, how you can have a successful love life etc.. And every time I read one I always question my own...

I don't know if its a good idea these, so called projections of love. You know 'studies show' that couples who don't live together, stay together. Or couples who spend more time in courtship last longer than those who immediately fall in love.

I've been in so many so called "relationships" and each one is so new to me. I though you know after dating the first couple of screw up I would know exactly what I want, when to know that I'm asking for too much, and how to figure out how I truly feel. But guess again. Every step forward I take, I take two steps backwards.

Its funny cause the only time I have a reality check is when one of my friends go "look. You had boy with X quality, and you weren't happy. And right now you're not in super lust or love, but this one has quality W,E,X,Z. You have to know when to give or take."

Maybe I'm just scared in 3 yrs I won't want quality W, E, X, Z. Or will I?

I feel like everything Ive ever gone through and learned from affected me in a way or another and no matter how we say we don't want love and affection, we seek it in all shapes and forms.

And maybe its cause for far to long, love and affection was shown to me by breaking my trust and others always finding new excuses not to continue trying. I became accustom to being broekn then being picked up out of loneliness by someone who implanted lust and desperation for love. Isn't that sad? For five years I would find myself back to a safety blanket who was actually just using me because.. I was vulnerable?

Life hey? You live through it, look back on it.. And all the good things that happen can just vanish in a few seconds. What you're left with is questions on whether you're living for your own selfish needs or if you're willing to live and make sacrifices.

... I think I need a coffee.

exit strategies are for those who are scared

how is it possible that when we find something that's so good, our initial thoughts are to do everything we can to make it end, make them want to go away. is it cause if they stay we know that they're willing to love us even though we're not perfect?

uncertainty

sometimes it feels so much easier to just disappear. will anyone notice if i was gone just for a second? it's like you think you know what's right for you, and you think you've got it figured out.. and you wanna take it slow..but then reality hits you in the face telling you that there is no time to relax.

im not sure what im trying to do here.