i've got mad problem you see

i think by trying so hard not to be like her, i'm pushing myself backwards. so much of what she says and does i resent. i want my life to be the opposite. i want to be happy, loved. cared for. and i want to provide the same to my children. and im pretty sure somewhere in my lost world i somehow feel neglected so i try to make up for that by finding affection and love from him. sometimes i feel bad. because he's picking up the pieces that they're both throwing away. maybe that's why im so scared to lose him. cause he's willing to take my hand and watch me cry.