i dont believe in long term.

"you act like a dude.. maybe it happens to you cause you put yourself in that position?"

i got all the time in the world anyways right?

and she says on to the next one.

my friend said to me "you always have a backup plan. like a rebound. once you get hurt or stumble a little, you just bounce back up and it's on to the next one. you don't get heart broken like really sad. You just don't really really get hurt."

I guess all those scars have left me with a wall. why get hurt when you can just find something new to experience right?

right.

chase you down until you love me.

i went to see lady gaga last night.

first time i saw her was two years ago in a night club.. and now she has her monster ball.

the story line, the wardrobe, everything.

amazing. absolutely amazing.

bravo.

you may have the body of a barbie..

but i have curves like christina hendricks.

eat your heart out.

fuck you.

i like cats.

delay

it's sorta hard to heal when your system is shutting down.

Is it a dream or a reality?

- sm

If you really knew me (L version)

Since j started this game i shall continue it..

If you really knew me, you would know that i like to have fun with everyone. It can be hard sometimes but it’s really my ultimate goal. It makes me happy when i can make others laugh.

If you really knew me, you would know i’m pretty much a boy. I may look like a girly type (kinda) but it’s pretty much the opposite. I don’t like cheese. Like romantic cheese. Please keep it away from me.

If you really knew me, you would know i looooooove to read. ALOT. And my dream one day is to have a library like the one in beauty and the beast. And to have a ladder so i can swing from it like belle did (really, it’s probably the one thing that makes me girly).

If you really knew me, you would know that i’m extremely stubborn. I have strong opinions and it’s hard as hell to change them but that doesn’t mean i don’t listen to different ideas. You never know what you can learn when you open your mind.

If you really knew me, you would know that i take care of others. I really wish i didn’t have to cause that would mean they are living a happy, fulfilling life. But i find comfort in knowing i can care and provide for others. My family and friends know that i am there for them whenever, wherever.

If you really knew me, you would know that you always get a second chance. I try to find the best in others even if you annoy the hell out of me. I’m immature in a way, that i’m easy to please.

If you really knew me, you would know i’m like a rock - Hard and sometimes cold. It’s a front and it’s not at the same time. I warm up to you once i get to know you but i’m more of a realist when it comes to life. I know it’s not all bubblegum and rainbows. I’d like to think i’m blunt in a nice way. Also, you pretty much have to beat me to make me cry....(continued below)

If you really knew me, you would know that i cry whenever i watch extreme makeover home edition. It’s sad okay? They struggle to keep a shack of a house and then the team comes and build a home for these families and they are so grateful and it’s just tears of happiness. Don’t tell too many people about this. Thanks.

If you really knew me, you still wouldn’t know me. There are a select few that get very close but my wall is always up. Always.

If you really knew me, you would know i still read this blog. As long as it’s up, i’ll be reading.

Happy one year blogging j =)

- L

piece de resistance

In lieu of the one year anniversary of this blog, I've asked fellow contributors to write a little something for your eyes to read.

So thanks guys. :)

tattoo

this is the plans for #2, gonna get it done once the scars are gone. it reads:

the apple blossom exists to creat fruit; when that comes the petal falls - Kabir

got your back

T.I feat. Keri Hilson

when we're high

when we're low

boy i promise i will never let you go.

*that pertains to friends & fam. :)

happy one year anniversary blog!

Thanks to everyone who's read, commented and contributed to this blog. it actually makes me super happy that I've been able to keep it up.. :)

photo via weheartit

if you really knew me.

Have you ever seen the show on mtv called 'if you really knew me'? I watched it the other day and bawled my eyes out. It's so true, because you don't know very much about a lot of your friends. You know.. you only have and idea of what they are superficially because let's face it.. none of us really allow others to see our weaknesses right? And we all judge through superficial actions that our friends perform in front of us.

When I went to mexico with L, S and Zeek we played a game called..'So tell me about your life'. Whenever we would have quiet time or were just laying in our rooms doing nothing.. one of us would start talking about our lives.. it usually started out with 'I was born (insert location)," and then what schools we attended and then we would talk about our families. That was probably one of my favorite things about our trip.. learning more about my friends. It kinda sucks though..cause right now.. the girls and the guys aren't really talking.. I guess some of us learned more about each other during that week than we intended to.. and it sorta hurt our relationships in the end...

So.. really I don't know much about my friends. I kinda have this thing about asking people about their family situations.. and I think it's because I don't really like talking about my own situation. It is.. complicated you know? but.. I know if I really trust my friends.. Only to a select few I am willing to let the wall down and talk about my family to them. Its weird. Like L, I'm sorry I don't ask more about any of your family stuff if you have any.. I think it's cause if something is really going on you know I'm here for you and I think asking people over and over if they're okay is kind of .. intruding? ... perhaps. However, for other friends.. it would be nice to know more about them than just hanging out with them.. I like talking to people.

So if you really knew me.. you would know that I like people. I am an overly emotional cancer and I tend to back off a lot of the times because I am indecisive and I don't want to intrude/be annoying/rude etc .. that's why I am very flaky. And I over think things.. like no tomorrow. And I get annoyed a lot.. okay.. now I am over thinking this...

So tell me something about yourself.. if you want to.

bandwagon

i tried the twitter bandwagon.. and fell right back off of it cause it was kinda lame..

HOWEVER... i am still full fledged on the jersey shore bandwagon :):):) and i actually really like this song :D

enrique iglesias ft. pit bull & cast of jersey shore - i like it

i have a secret crush on pauly D. he's djing in edmonton on oct 1st...

but i'm going to see mamamia that night.. oh well. :)

my one year plan.

saving up for europe.

do good in school, get in shape and save monies.

jersey shore is addicting.

“OK, recently I watched every episode of Jersey Shore's first season. I don’t know if it was any good and I certainly didn’t learn anything, but it was definitely hypnotic and it gave my brain a vacation."

- marc jacobs

i know exactly what i want and who i want to be.

marina and the diamonds - oh no

i'm gonna life

i'm gona fly

i'm gonna fail

i'm gonna die.

*hello music, let us fall in love again.

allergies..

i have hives. its not even small little simple hives..

IT'S LOCALIZED EVERYWHERE ON MY BODY.

therefore /endlife.. until they go away. :(