this is exactly what i want. everything that you are able to offer, is what i want. but is it something i can see offered from someone else? i am giving into chance, because initially, i did not want any of it. from you that is. past decisions keep on flashing into my mind because i am unable to let go, and i am unable to stop comparing future to the past. so many mistakes have been made, and yes this should move me closer and make me strong but unfortunately, it just messes me up even more. i don't exactly know why my perception of time is so .. off. it's funny because everything recent keeps on falling short of time. everything happens so fast.. is that why it ends as quickly as i realize it is happening? the past was much longer. slower. and.. funny to say has much more meaning. if i see this, why am i so impatient? maybe it's because i want things done quick and fast so that i will not develop long, patient.. loving feelings... as i did once before. all these thoughts just spin into one great big.. anxiety attack.
it's been long awaited what this is. i guess i will just have to wait some more.
*maybe she is waiting for herself..
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